Esse. Facere. Habere. / To Be. To Do. To Have.

"The unexamined life is not worth living," said Socrates.  "Yeah, well, the over-examined life is not actually living," says me. 

Where's the compromise? 

Maybe this.  At the beginning of each new year, I make a list. Three lists of five things, actually.  Things to be.  Things to do.  Things to have.  This habit is the relic of a financial education workshop from my freshman year of college.  It is the only relic from that workshop.  Other things we learned that night were not to let your friends borrow your clothes, not to use credit cards, and not to spend a lot of money on booze.  Woulda, shoulda, and coulda.

TO DO.
The To Do list is easy to make.  Exhilarating, even.  I race ahead in my day planner to write down ideas for the coming year.  South Dakota is making a repeat appearance for 2014.  Laura Ingalls Wilder Museum, here I come!  The Year of Blogging is also on the To Do list, the first for a regular-weekly-obligation-type thing.  Birdwatching also made the list, though I forget how.  I must have giggled at the idea of sloshing around the shores of the Chesapeake Bay with a bunch of indulgent retirees.  Or maybe I hoped to finally fall in love with nature, in the way that is so popular these days.  The To Do list has a psychic hold over me.  I often find it tucked away by my debit card while I wait in line at Starbucks.  As my eyes skim the list, my brain fires off all the things I will do today to make these things happen.  Register for the Audubon Society.  Read a biography of Crazy Horse.  Buy some galoshes.  In 2013, Move to Homeownership made the To Do list, and then -- miraculously! as if by manifest destiny! -- I gave up my gypsy ways and bought a house.  Who knows, in 2015 I might Win a Nobel Prize or Replace Barbara Walters on The View.  It's all in the list, man.

TO BE.
The To Be list is hard to fill, and getting harder with each passing year.  It is not pleasant to admit all the ways you wish you were.   (Patient?!  Kind?!!  I am pleased to announce that both were evicted from the list for 2014.)  Also, by your 30s, it's harder to change.  May as well just like yourself the way you turned out, eh?  The whole patient/kind thing has taught me that it is a major drag to be constantly reminded that you fail at the fundamentals of being a good person.  So, for 2014, the list dictates I am To Be Positive.   I am not exactly sure what this means.  Less gossip, I imagine.  Fewer "Yeah, rights" said to Nina Totenburg when she recaps the Supreme Court dockets each morning on NPR.  I might even start saying "Thank you for the lovely ride" to my MTA bus driver.  Related to riding MTA is that Less Profane also made the To Be list for 2014.  So far it has only meant that I clap my hand over my mouth in faux shock when the F word leaves my mouth.  This resolution has mostly made me aware of how completely and joyfully I love profanity.  Today, I heard a crossing guard yell "F*** that, she knows that s*** needs be done before the f***ing kids let out the g**d*** school!"  I just gave her a big smile and a wave.  Made my day.   

TO HAVE.
Now, the worst list to make by far is the To Have list.  And I'm proud of it.  I have everything I need.  I don't want any more stuff in my life.  TV?  Nope.  Car that was made after the year I graduated from high school?  Nada.  A new EELS hoodie?  Mmmmmno. (I mean Yes. I just ordered one.)    Sometimes I will even get to the middle of the year and successfully talk myself out of a To Have item.  Last year, I put Little Dessert Bowls on the To Have list, smugly thinking I could knock that one out in a single trip to Target.  But it was no good.  I spent too much time thinking about how seldom I would use little dessert bowls.  I convinced myself that having little dessert bowls would make me hate Martha Stewart even more.  I never got them.  Luckily, my failure in the To Have category did not extend to my selfish 2013 resolution To Have One New Pair of Shoes per Month.  But this year, I think I have decided on things I will be excited to buy and to have:  All New Panties and Adirondack Chairs for the Front Porch.  Only time will tell.  Come on over this summer.  You can see for yourself. 

The Adirondack Chairs, I mean.